Some people go to Paris for the art, the food (snails taste far less like snot than you’d imagine) and the architecture, but I say Pepe le poo poo to all that, because I go to watch the traffic.
The Arc de Triomphe is rightly famous as a gigantic representation of France’s fantastic record of victories in war… or something, but it also represents the most fabulous place in the world to watch car-traffic prove that chaos theory is real.
Imagine a traffic circle, say, 12 lanes wide, but with no lane markings at all. This circle is fed into by no less than 10 madly busy feeder roads. Now try and picture a form of traffic control that involves the people IN the circle giving way to each of those entering roads. So, traffic moves in fits, starts and seizures, and in the midst of that, people attempt to cross a dozen uncontrolled, unregulated lanes to make their exits. Sometimes they’re in there for days.
It is no doubt an apocryphal story, but supposedly car insurance companies refuse to pay out on accidents that happen on this riotous roundabout because you’re more likely to walk across a bed of nails without feeling a prick than you are to drive from one side of the Arc to the other without swapping paint with someone.
I spend a good half an hour, in the freezing cold, watching peak hour traffic fail to negotiate this intersection on my way back from the 911 Turbo launch and it was, undeniably, fantastic entertainment. I desperately want to drive around it, but not in a press car, and certainly not in a 911.
Amazingly I only saw eight collisions and two deaths in that time and it occurred to me that the French must be very, very good drivers.
A week later, I was standing at a tiny traffic circle in my Sydney suburb, fed by four single-lane roads without too many cars on them, and yet it looked far, far more dangerous than the Arc. People approach this intersection every day with the seeming assumption that they won’t have to give way, and thus calamity regularly ensues. Either that or they’re all asleep. Or useless.
Several other examples of poor driving have riled me recently and it struck me that we’re really not as good at operating vehicles as the French, or the Portuguese, or the Germans, or even, whisper it, the Poms.
We could be, and I hate to say it, just about the Worst Drivers in the World.
Is this possible, or am I being too harsh on you, my brothers and sisters?
No i don’t think we are the worst drivers Bailanese people take the cake on that one.
My friend thinks Indian’s are.
out of all the western countries,we are the worst,but better then third world countries,the main problem we have is people pretending to be race drivers on the streets,nobody in australia can keep a proper distance from the car in front,just on that one rule 99.9% of drivers should have their licence cancelled.
I think skid pan training should be a requirement. What to do if something jumps out in front of you. And what could happen if you don’t give way. I remember my ex-girlfriend telling me when she got her licence that if something happened in front of her, like a dog walked out, or an accident happened, that she wouldn’t know what to do. …Brake?
I’m no Button, but I know how a car feels and what it’s doing. This should be taught.
I haven’t been to other western countries (third world drivers… yeah it’s a different world (no pun intended)), but I imagine that we would be some of the worst drivers out there overall.
Worse than the Portuguese?! Wow!
What always amazes me about the Arc de Triomphe is the crosswalks on those feeder roads, and that people use them (it must be the only place where Parisians actually cross the road via crosswalks) and that some of those people actually make it to the other side in one piece!
And my favorite Dave Barry quote on the Arc De Triomphe (from: Dave Barry’s Only Travel Guide You’ll Ever Need): “… a moving monument to the many brave men and women who have died trying to visit it, which we do not recommend because it’s located in the middle of La Place de la Traffic Coming from All Directions at 114 Miles Per Hour.”
So true! Glad to read you’re alive, Corbs!
I cannot believe pedestrians would try and get to the middle. It’s like playing real, live Frogger.
Ah, Frogger, I didn’t even mean that racial epithet.
Ok, I will try this then. I’ve traveled to a few different countries & we are not the worst.
Is that politically correct enough for you TGA? You are asking for trouble putting up a post like this one. You guys are going to be deleting lots of posts if no one is allowed to use other contries for comparisons. Geez this kiss everyones arse attitude of society is crap. If someone sucks, you should be allowed to say it. Free speech? Yeah right!! After it has been censored to death.
Did someone take down your post? The web ed’s not here, so I doubt it. Maybe it just didn’t work… Sorry Conman. We don’t edit unless we absolutely have to.
No way are we the worst drivers !!
I have driven-well in a lot of places(countries)
The worst easily is India!! drove over 1000ks there both north and south in a ambasador(like a old morris but built in russia!! – words cannot describe-trucks will simply kill you if you get in there way,busses with more people on the roof than inside will also run you over,
cows just walk out (they are sacred so if you survive the collision the local hindu priest will kill you)..
I rember Frogger that game was always fun plus it was funny seing the frog get splatterd.
Well, we shouldn’t deny that we can get crazy and all that jazz, but the WORST? I think that is a bit ridiculous
Are you going through a gaming phase Speed Demon? Last time it was Forza 3, now it’s Frogger. Next thing I know you will be pulling the old Space Invaders out:)
I think it may have been removed Stephen as it had my four worst countries/nationalities at driving listed. I guess it could have been interpreted as slightly racist if people were being incredibly over sensitive. I’ll settle for saying that I have driven in a few different countries & the scariest two were Turkey & America. If I ever have to go back to Turkey, no car for me, I’ll walk, I’ll crawl, I’ll ride a camel, I’ll even hold onto a cows tail after it’s had a firecracker stuck up it’s clacker but I will not get in any motorised vehicle in that country ever again.
We arn’t the worst but most of us arn’t very good either. Comes back to poor attitude & poor driver training IMO.
Our family has long believed that people wearing hats while they drive are the worst drivers in the world. I know other people who share this belief. All our children are indoctrinated during driving lessons. I think Top Gear should test this theory on one of their programs. Are drivers of any nationality wearing hats while they drive the worst drivers?
Are we talking about just any old hat here or specific types? I wear a Holden cap constantly when I’m outside, including driving. I love wearing a cap driving at sunrise or sunset as I don’t have to rely on the useless sunvisors to allow me to see. A hat & polaroid sunnies & I can see when most others are having to squint & are effectivley driving blind. Oh, and I have a perfect diving record & very rarely do I get beeped at, given the finger or have anyone arc up at me in anyway. I don’t think there’s any difference between drivers with a hat & ones without. I think maybe you are just superstisious.
Oh yes, you’ve reminded me, Turkey is the worst. We did bus trips while I was there and, while most people were asleep, I caught the driver playing chicken with oncoming traffic. I couldn’t sleep again after that.
We can’t hold a candle to them.
Domma is not superstitious, (s)he’s just right. Mind you, (s)he’s not talking about your type of hat I think, which is indeed called a cap. The worst drivers in the world wear either hats that would leave JR Ewing with a minority complex, or the kind that my granddad wore, who, if he had been alive today, would have ranked among the world’s worst drivers hands-down.
I can’t remember Aussies being particularly bad drivers, and I would have known if they were, because needless to say, I myself am excellent at the wheel. Then again, it’s been some 4 years since I last visited Oz, so things may have changed.
I still have a hard time believing you’re worse than the Portuguese though. Not that that’s something to be proud of.
I think you mean the old Bowler style hat Annemarie. Yes they do tend to be a bit, ummm, ordinary behind the wheel at times. I always give cars with an Akubra on the parcel shelf a wider berth as they are usually country folk visiting the big city & sometimes it can get a bit overwhelming for them trying to find thier way around somewhere new & deal with all the idiots at the same time.
Oz drivers are getting worse every year. The test gets easier to pass every year & youngsters attitudes get worse every year as well. The standard of driving is going downhill as well as there being more of the idiots on the road. Gets downright scary at rush hour in certain places in Melbourne. Probably the same in most major cities. My solution is easy, catch public transport where possible & if I have to drive I try to keep my distance from the car ahead. If it’s dual carriageway I modulate my speed so that I’m not next to a car for too long & be very,very careful at roundabouts & other intersections in general. People can get the tomtits about my way of driving at intersections but I don’t really give a stuff. I don’t feel the need to approach a roundabout flat out & brake so late that I end up with my car in the intersection anyway.
Con man no i am not going through a gaming faze although if you want crazy on car’s put a V8 5.0L in a Ford Focus i have no idea why the game thinks it’s possible but lets say acceleration like a areial atom.
i have confirmation from my friend who has also been to Turkey and he said they are the worst drivers over there he told me some story about going in a taxi the taxi cut some guy off so he side swiped the taxi.
Also that hat comment that’s just dosent make sence how is wearing a hat make you a bad driver???
The standard of driving is going down hill because Lerner’s are forking out about ten times more money to get there licence.
But so the govenment to be fair LOL govenment being Fair thats a joke anyway so them being fair they have made it easier so the standard skills are dropping.
Yes – beware the driver with a hat on
ANY HAT.
Especially a white towling hat or bowls hat!!
usually worn by Caravaners and camry drivers
oh-and conman anyone who wears a hsv hat is right up there to!!!!
Ummm…nope. There seems to be a graduation, as countries with poor exposure to cars (i.e. less than a generation) will have poorer ability on the road than those with more than 5, say. Chinese drivers in Mainland China are phenomenally amazingly bad only because they’ve been driving for less than 5 years as a body politic; Indian drivers are reputedly as fantastically maniacal.
That said, Kiwi drivers must rank with the Ausies in only one thing that makes them ‘bad’ – its the indicator thing. Not using indicators, using them (and then not turning/changing lanes), or even an indication so late it would make the Frenchies cringe – I’d sight that as the No.1 reason Kiwi and Aussie drivers suck.
Oh, don’t get me wrong – a good driver is a good driver no matter age, race, nationality and sex – and the same for bad drivers. But then an good on average driver i all I ever hope to be – despite having done some track work, thats my greatest aspiration, even now. I ain’t perfect, not yet.
Oh and about those Gendarmes – they area a type of military officer, as they are armed with sub-machine guns – gives the crooks pause in La Belle France. And – this on several eyewitness accounts including my mum, who’s braved Le Arc in a small hatchback – the Gendarmerie are known for casually strolling into the nutty traffic with nary a care, I suppose cause they’ve done worse in combat training, and Paris on a Monday morning is a comparative breeze…
Black Dog, I’m not rich enough to own a HSV anymore so I would look like a tool if I was to be wearing a HSV hat. It’s just a plain Holden hat. Let me guess, your a Ford fan arn’t you? I guess I should feel bad for you seeing how FPV gets its butt kicked by Holden all the time but I’m afraid I don’t. Maybe you should get a decent car, (Holden), & join the more enlightened among us.
Turks the lousiest drivers on earth? That would explain why even in Holland and Germany driving has become somewhat of an, ah, adventure, shall we say. Every time I’m home or in Germany, it seems to me standards have lowered again. The right lane (of left, in your circumstances) used to be used as such: the lane where you keep your ass if you don’t intend to overtake someone else’s. Now, everyone’s glued to the left lane just in case there’s a possible chance that they might have to conceivably overtake someone in the next 15 km or so.
In Spain, in a typical 6 lane highway, the right lane is for trucks only – or that seems to be the general attitude. Everyone else (including trucks overtaking trucks) is in the middle or left lane, even on days that truck traffic is not allowed. The right lane is e-m-p-t-y. They might as well plant a forest on the average Spanish right lane.
Conman-Yes im a ford fan – and well we have to let holden win sometimes!!!
Mind you the supercharged r8 on the last episode of tguk was very interesting.
as for being enlightened-i get that every time i take my old 928 out – every hoon in a commodore i pull up next to at the lights wants a drag!!
i wear a helmet,does that count.
annie,post 23,do you mean you drive with the door open and you hang your ass out the the door????????????we call that chucking a brown eye or mooning.
Spandau, why is it that the words “serious issues” come to mind whenever I read your posts?!
Corby, you must be joking!
Is “I went to Paris and watched traffic” your way of saying:
“I went to Paris and got drunk on Cognac at the Moulin Rouge”
Pull the other one, it plays La Marseillaise.
I’ve been thinking about the hat thing and I reckon it’s true. Baseball caps befine the wearer as, someone who thinks they don’t have anyone to answer to. JR Ewing wore a Stetson, or ten-gallon hat, and anyone trying to wear a hat bigger than that while driving must surely be an idiot. Unless, annemarie, did you mean a sombrero? I think trying to wear a sombrero while checking one’s blind spots would be dangerous.
Come to think of it, even people that own a hat and leave it on the rear parcel shelf while driving, often drive badly. So you don’t even need to be wearing a hat to be a bad driver. You just need to own one!
I’d like to see some government safety council statistics on this one. Perhaps speed isn’t a killer at all, it could be hats!
(Vicroads new billboard slogan, Drive and wear a hat, you’re an idiot!).
Why would I go and get drunk at some stupid movie with Nicole Kidman in it?
Have left this one alone so far, as the issue is so huge I don’t know where to start.
I came to only one conclusion, again!
Cut dramatically the numbers of drivers on the road.
ALL drivers have the potential to drive in a manner which may endanger the health and well-being of other humans. Aussie drivers do seem to be at the lower end of the spectrum when it comes to driver ability though.
Just for the record, I reckon British drivers are head and shoulders above the Aussies in driving ability. (2 F1 world champs in 2 years…..) Actually, not just driving, see also Cricket, Rugby, Soccer, Athletics, Cycling, Rowing, Beer making, drunken brawling…..
Earth Lover, I would geuss your a pom? Don’t honestly know about the driving but…
F1 has nothing at all to do with driving ability. Seems poms come to Bathurst every year & usually put thier cars into the wall, so they can’t be that great.
Cricket, last time I checked Australia was ranked No 1 in test & one day. England is dead last in test & second last in one day.
Rugby, I assume you mean Union? Who cares it makes no sense anyway.
Soccer, I’ve heard it’s popular but all I ever hear about is how violent pommy soccer fans are, so it can’t be that great. Besides I’m pretty sure Brazil & Spain flog England all the time at it.
Athletics, in your dreams. For our population there isn’t another country that even comes close to the success in sport that Australia does, so that covers your rowing & cycling to.
Beer making, you lot don’t even know that beer belongs in the fridge. I’ve had several brands of pommy beer at room temp & refrigerated. It was the most awful thing I have ever tasted. I’d rather drink goats p@#s!!
Drunken brawling, just goes to show that poms lack self control, which would lead onto thier lack of control when driving.
I agree with Conman about the F1 thing but to say were the worst drivers on the planet com on i think we can all agree Turkey has the worst even worse than India and Bailanese how they figure out who’s doing what by beeping a horn i’ll never know.
Kilkenny is alright. I like to keep some in the bar fridge. And the buggers that stay at my place when I’m not here always drink it! From memory it’s alright though.
Conman, if you had the money to care, but not that much (lots of money, no real care), you’d follow rugby too.
Or if you had some Kiwi mates.
I went to a recent Wallabies test against the All Blacks in Sydney, where we were beaten badly. But I went with my three Samoan buddies. So it was all good, hey bro. We found 40 or so New Zoolanders to sing songs with from the stadium, and on the bus to more than a few pubs. Those guys know how to party, and drink, and sing! The bus drivers and the bouncers were shit-scared, but we sang on.
Conman, you really should discover rugby one day!
Thought that might stir the colonials up a bit.
Just for the record, British beer is much more diverse and tasty than the weak, urine coloured rubbish that purports as beer here. Thats not to say you can’t get decent beer here, just have to look harder than in the UK. Thankfully, i didn’t come here for the beer though, so I’m quite happy!
Come to think of it, if there where less preservatives in the beer served here, perhaps people would think more cleary when they’re driving the next morning……
“if there where less preservatives in the beer served here, perhaps people would think more cleary when they’re driving the next morning……”
Probably not. The Germans have their “Reinheitsgebot”, which forbids the use of preservatives in beer, but it has little effect, if the average Oktoberfest in München is anything to go by…
Earth Lover, 80 % of the population drinks VB or Cartlton Draught, or 4XXX Gold if their missus is so hot they don’t dare get drunk, even for one night.
But don’t tarnish us all with that brush.
My favourites are Asahi, Becks, Heinekin, James Boags Premium. And before you start going on about my beer-smelling carbon-footprint, most of those get brewed here in aussieland anyway.
I think you’re right though, if some many people didn’t get drunk on such chemical-beer here, there’d be a lot less trouble.
What did you come to Australia for, by the way. If not the beer, what else?
Hi annemarie, how are you?! Met any interesting Germans, lately? You did mean sombrero’s didn’t you? Ahhh, huuuuhhhhh.
Little Bits, I’ve tried to follow the Union. Even been to a couple of the Wallabies games myself with a Kiwi mate that dragged me along. It just doesn’t make any sense to me at all. No matter how hard I try I can’t wrap my head around the rules & you can never see what’s going on as they all just pile on top of each other all the time. I just like it when one player flattens another. Give me League any day. Just please, please, please, no AFL. Living in Victoria every second person asks “what team do you barrack for?” You get sick of it very quickly. I now answer with “the holden racing team, football is for drunken po#fs”. It doesn’t make me popular but it gets the subject dropped which suits me just fine.
One more thing about the cricket.
Earth Lover, I wouldn’t drink that swill that is mass produced here anymore than I would drink english beer. The small breweries are where the good beer is. Truth be known I very rarely drink beer & when I do it is from one off breweries. JD & coke is my drink of choice when I run out of the bourbon I make.
The last word on the cricket, – I believe it was Beefy Botham that made the statement, ” we showed you the game, you showed us how to play it”, during commentary of the Ashes in Australia in 2007. When we won 5-0. I think that sort of settles the cricket arguement.
Conman rugby is a religion. You need to understand that, you don’t need to understand the game. Probably the best thing about union versus league, is that in union it’s not just about one headline-grabbing person’s efforts, it’s the whole team. It is a bloody hard game. Far more difficult than league.
I spend a fair bit of time in Victoria, and I must say it embarrasses me how obsessed people are there with AFL. It’s not Victoria, just Melbourne. And the reason is coz, A. Many Melburnians have an obsessive personality (refer pokie machines, alcohol-fueled violence, attempt to buy NRL Grand Final,etc etc). B. There’s bloody nothing else to do in Melbourne!
AFL is silly. It’s a good game to watch when you’ve got nothing else to do, and you’re mind has been wandering for a good half-day, so you’re wanting something to wake it up. Like watchin 36 men in tight footy shorts run around for a pig-skin ball. Seriously, I thought the guys who ran away in the playground were soft?!
Having said that, and being almost completely convinced of my own argument: I was in Melbourne on Grand Final Day, and had a lovely few hours getting pissed with some locals in a pub at Abbotsford. ‘Best pub in Melbourne’, they told me, and I thought, yeah right bloody vics. It cant just be a good pub, it has to be the best pub for something or other. Blah Blah.
It was ok though.
I’m in Melb again for Melb Cup DaY. Planning to dump myself at the same pub for a few.
And if you’re wondering which pub? You already know. Coz every pub in Melbourne is the ‘best pub in Melbourne’. Dont believe me, ask the locals! They’re the ones drinking vb and draught.
I know people are fanatical about union & it is supposed to be like a religion, but so is scientology.
I don’t go to pubs very often. Too easy to blow a pay packet & like you said, every pub is the “best pub in melbourne”, according to those that drink there. Give me BBQ, family, friends & a few ails anyday over the pub.
Back on topic…. Hang on, what was the topic?
Oh, yeah, bad drivers. The Turkish are the worst. India would be in second then the yanks. Mind you the yanks could have been becaus I’m not used to driving on that side of the road & I was always waiting for someone to shoot at me.
Good on ya, Conman. I don’t like pubs either, but I travel a lot for work. And when there’s no family, friends or bbq around, take me to the public house! Closely followed by a swift walk around the block to work off said ale’s!
The topic is hats. Hats or no hats. Basically that’s what it comes down to. You think about it, Turks, Indians, what have they in common??!!
Now, I’m not the racist one, oh no! Heck, I had thai for dinner, and chatted with the guy folding the napkind into silly shapes about Budhists (oh, crikey, I hope I got that religion right?!).
But if you take away the hat, you have no bad drivers remaining! Ahhh-haaaahhh. Now I know what you’re thinking. What about Canberra? They might not wear hats so much in public, but behind closed doors . . . . Let me tell you, I’m in Canberra at least once a week, and I’ve noticed a few people wearing hats in their home. When they think nobody’s watching . . . . . .
Have met no interesting Germans lately, Lil’ Bits, but probably will in the near future, as my guy is about to be transferred from Spain to Leipzig, to take charge of the Panamera logistics. (There, Corby, see how much trouble I go through just to get you to visit me here in Europe?)
This means Goodbye SEAT, Hello Porsche – but somehow I don’t think there will be a courtesy car for the missus included in the deal now either… Heck. Would a Panamera hold three large dogs, by the way?
Do turbans count as hats? I don’t know, though I would get scared if I looked in the rearview & saw some shiela fresh out of the shower with the towel wrapped around her head still!!
So your theory is that if I stop wearing my Holden cap I will instantly become a better driver? Don’t think that has much merit myself. I only started wearing the hat about two years ago after my dad died from skin cancer caused from being out in the sun all day. He never used to wear a hat or sunglasses. I work outdoors on roofs alot. You don’t want me getting skin cancer do you? I wear it driving because I drive to a job at sunrise & come home around sunset, except for dayllight savings. If I don’t have my hat on I can’t see when driving into the sun as I have very light sensitive eyes. I think I’d be more dangerous without the hat.
Little Bits, why are you looking into our homes when we think nobody is watching?
For the record, I am all for a ban on hats in cars.
I am also all for a ban on Anglophiles rubbishing Australia but still choosing to live here.
Anyone who “doesn’t like pubs” can leave this blog right now. And, if they’re actually Australian, hand in their passport while they’re at it. What a disgrace. And as for the chemicals in beer being the problem, there’s only one that causes trouble, it’s called alcohol.
Going to the pub used to be not so bad 15 or more years ago Stephen & used to be my favourite haunt. Now though you go to most pubs & they are full of young blokes carrying on like little children & always wanting to fight everyone to prove how tough they are. You get sick of it after awhile.
Besides, I own a dart board, 8×4ft pool table that I don’t have to feed money to, a spa & I can drink around whoever I choose. Drinks are also way more expensive at pubs & someone is always playing complete crap on the jukebox.
Less dramas, cheaper & just as much fun to invite a few mates over for a drink.
Why would I want to drink at a pub?
Oh, & I ain’t leaving the blog.
I honestly don’t get why people find round-abouts so damn hard. Pull up, look to the right. If there is a car, stay stopped. If there is no car, go. Surely it isn’t a terribly hard system…
This is getting kida funny first bad drivers now pubs and round abouts i do agree with steve if you don’t like pubs how can you call yourself Australian next you will tell us you have no idea what A.F.L is.
Since when has being a pub fanatic been a requirement of being an aussie? I would have thought the fact that I’m part of the Army Reserves & am prepared to go into battle for this country that I love would more than qualify me. I bet it’s more than you are prepared to do for this country & it’s citizens. I’m ready to go fight for your right to sit at your keyboard & call me unaustralian. If that isn’t good enough in anyones eyes, I think they should recheck thier own values.
Rich (51), you’ve obviously ever tried the roundabout around the Arc de Triomphe…
Also, getting on a roundabout is not difficult, for most people the trouble starts once they’re on there and they have to get off at some point.
Plus, international road rules can increase the fun. Not that long ago, in Holland, traffic ON the roundabout had to give way to traffic APPROACHING the roundabout. Never a dull moment if you sent a Dutch driver to Germany of Belgium…
That would have to be “never tried”…
Yep, I drove around the Arc de Triomphe, not even knowing that I had to give way to cars ENTERING instead of having the right-of-way like here in OZ. I just thought the froggies were typical peak hour pushy. Survived that and then used the Italian way, whatsabehindyouduzzenmatt a, for the rest of the trip! At least it doesn’t matter if you get on with driving to the conditions. Europe still have lots of small manual cars with horrendous parking hassles and icy roads in winter and faster open road limits so lots learn to drive well unlike Oz.
ConMan that’s good that you will fight for me and the rest of us but as it stand’s you should know even if i’m not in the Army i would fight alongside you to whatever end with just my fists if thats all i had what some of us ment is that you make it sound as if going to the pub is a Mortal sin.
I don’t see why you would be left with that impression Speed Demon. I was only speaking for myself & what I enjoy. If you like going down the pub, good luck to you. I don’t care if you do or don’t. Sorry if you got the wrong idea of what I meant.
It’s fine ConMan trouble is most of our opinions on this site are very breif so somtimes it’s hard to get our message across without boring people.